Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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