I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
