I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
