Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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