Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
