I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
