I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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