C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
