Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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