I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why did my mother make you get naked?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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