call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize