I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
im on a boat
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