Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize