OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
