Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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