Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
