before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
