remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize