Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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