someone get that fucking seahorse.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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