My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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