Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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