I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
