you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
