69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Randomize
