He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize