Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
