You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
