my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
