I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
