Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
