The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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