I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
