Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
