When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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