is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Found the puke drawer
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
