Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
