fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
