I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
