i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
