Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
