My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
