Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
