I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
