hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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