I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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