I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
