you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize