its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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