I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
