Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
