is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you had me at cake vodka
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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