DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
