you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
