like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
