i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize