yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
