I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
