I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
