What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
3 2 1 whiskey
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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