At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
