Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
