scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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