very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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