i barfeds in our rink
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
