i think my tv is drunk
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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