i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
