at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
