i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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