If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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