those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
